🇻🇳 Mini-Sabbatical Part 4: Vietnam, from the North to the South

This is part of the mini-sabbatical series. Read more here.

Precursor: Top Gear #

When I was a wee kid in 2009, the UK series of Top Gear aired an episode that would come to sear itself into my memory.

“The Vietnam Special” followed the famous three motoring journalist as they travelled from Saigon to Ha Long Bay on 3 motorbikes over the course of 8 eventful days. If you haven’t watched it, I can’t recommend it enough. Unfortunately, I can’t ride a motorbike, but since Top Gear cheated a bit and took the night train, I thought I would follow in their footsteps on my own interpretation of this challenge.

From Ha Long Bay to Saigon in 8 days, skirting the coastline of Vietnam as I make my way down.

Ha Long Bay #

I’m on flight number VN-593 from Hong Kong to Hanoi, arriving at ~4pm.

These kinds of travel days are generally fairly mundane: Train, Plane, Taxi, Hotel, Sleep. On the face of it I’m in store for much the same routine, except my final destination for the night is over 150km from the hostel.

Luckily I booked this hostel a couple weeks back on Hostelworld, and had arranged with the hostel owner to take a “limousine” they recommended that was both way cheaper than a taxi, and faster than a bus/train combo.

Well, this “limousine” turns out to be just some dude in an old toyota - can’t complain! The driver can’t speak any English, so we communicate via some screen-sharing and laughing, but he isn’t following the route on my phone and I’m getting a bit confused… We stop off and pick up some boxes. Then stop off again and pick up another box. Another stop off, we pick up a dog(?)

I’m getting a bit confused here - am I just cargo? One more stop later and I get my answer, as the man picks up his own daughter and she explains the whole situation to me in good English - a common method of transport in Vietnam are these online groups where you can barter for moving goods or people around. Their family lives in Ha Long but works in Hanoi so this is quite a frequent trip for them, picking up a dog or confused tourist along the way just helps pay for their trip!

A meandering 4 hour trip later (with dinner break), I arrive at the Alex Hostel, grab a Banh Mi from a nearby stall, and conk out on the bed.

I’m only in Ha Long for a day so I thought it would be good to explore the area in the morning. Not quite sure what I was expecting, but it was clear that a lot of investment had been put into the city, with little to no return.

I was staying in the Bai Chay region of Ha Long, which is the more modern, touristic section of the city cleaved in two by the Bai Chay bridge. Much of the area in Bai Chay is reclaimed land, upon which has been built a whole section of European-esque buildings, complete with statues of prominent European figures.

…That are almost entirely empty…

I sat in a cafe with an iced egg coffee (amazing btw), alone aside from a security guard who was there to protect… nothing.

Strange place, but I can only imagine that the combination of coronavirus and my arrival during the off season were to blame.

Still, I’m here for one reason: To see Ha Long Bay by boat. At the ferry terminal I’m sat next to a group of uncles who tell me they are on holiday from China, I share some stories via google translate from my recent travels, we grab a selfie and then share an even more awkward seat together on the ferry around the islands.

This tour around Ha Long Bay is much the same as one you can take around the Krabi islands of Thailand, with similar Flora, Fauna, caves and beaches. The only difference is that Ha Long Bay is much larger, covering over a thousand islets.

In Top Gear, the trio ended their race at a floating fishing village.

15 years later, I came to the realisation that a tourist’s day tour of the bay would not be enough time to reach deep enough into the islands to see floating villages. I’ve been told that the thing to do in Ha Long Bay is to go on a multi-day cruise around the islets, but I’ve been warned that these types of cruises are almost exclusively old couples, and I didn’t fancy spending 1/3rd of my time in Vietnam feeling oppressively single.

Still, I did have enough time on the boat to see some amazing sights, walk around a cave, climb to the top of an island, kayak around a lagoon and relax for a bit on the beach.

No time to relax too much though, as I’m back in a “limo” bound for Hanoi as the sun dips below the horizon.

Hanoi #

I’m staying in the Old Quarter, the cultural heart of Hanoi, also where you will find a hefty number of me-clones. From this point onwards I feel on a well trodden path of 20-somethings finding themselves through a few weeks holiday through South East Asia.

In the morning my hostel arranged a walking tour of Hanoi and I get to know a bunch of my fellow hostellers.

• A married couple from England who sold everything to travel non-stop for the last year (one trained to be a travel agent to take advantage of the internal discounts, smart)
• A New Zealander travelling after her last breakup
• A Japanese guy on his first trip alone
• A Californian girl wearing a concerning amount of Patagonia/Arcteryx

I had a great time sharing stories with them as we wandered across train tracks and through the bustling Dong Xuan market, sharing tips of where the best fake North Face stall might be.

Most of the travellers were in Vietnam for longer, and had just come down from the mountains after completing the Ha Giang Loop - a ~4 day motorbike trip in the breathtaking Vietnamese mountains bordering southern China. After hearing their stories I wished I had performed a bit more research other than watching a single 15 year old episode of british tv, but I’ll save Ha Giang for next time I visit!

Walking away from the market empty handed, we all bonded over our extra touristic Banh Mi 25 sandwich. Whilst I can’t say for sure that it’s the best Banh Mi in Hanoi, it’s above the bar for me. I’m just grateful to finally be back in a country that has good bread!

Hoa Lo/Hanoi Hilton offered a strangely depressing interlude to our day. I hadn’t learnt about the Vietnamese war before this trip, so I frantically googled for information to counter the details presented in this museum (some museums can be very one-sided, but I still don’t know about this one. For more sad museums skip to “Ho Chi Minh”). The guillotine and cramped cells were mostly in reference to conditions during the first Indochina war, with the American-Vietnam war mostly being consigned to a section berating the Americans (quite rightly) and detailing how much fun the American prisoners had during their stay at the Hilton (suspicious).

Train Street #

Despite warnings from our morning tour guide saying that “Train Street is closed to the public”, we later learned that this was a bit of an untruth.

“Train Street” has become synonymous with Vietnam in general, and therefore attracts a ridiculous number of tourists, all hoping to grab their shot of a train passing by. Clearly it would be both dangerous and a downright nuisance to the already struggling vietnamese rail system if the train had to plow through white people every few hours.

So, the officials have “closed” the street.

Officially, this means that tour guides and public notices spread the word that the street is closed, the entrance is blocked with gates and “nothing for you mr tourist” signs.

Unofficially, you just need a whatsapp contact, or to wait outside these gates like a vampire until someone invites you in. Inside, you’ll find that train street is well and truly open for business, though I believe each of the bars are part of a train street cartel. As we sat there with our noodles and beer, a lady wearing purple came over to take payment. She carried a wad of cash and didn’t take no for an answer, routing from tourist to tourist like a mosquito in a hostel. Not just the bar we sat at, but every bar in the street, she was the cashier and the boss.

The officials will come over and check that the street is “closed” every couple of hours. You’ll know when they come because a whistle will blow, and you have 5 minutes to pick up your beer and head inside as the staff close up shop behind you, turn off the lights, and pay the policeman while he takes a photo of the now dark, empty street.

Don’t worry, give it another 5 minutes and the next whistle blow will turn the lights back on, open the shutters and bring the tourists back out in a stampede.

I have to say, “Train Street” is a place you simply can’t miss on your trip to Hanoi.

Pub street however, is absolutely just a street with a bunch of pubs, so unless you are there just for the cheap beer and dodgy clubs I’d give that a miss.

Communist Architecture #

My last day in Hanoi I took it a bit slower, grabbing a “Grab” to the other side of town, where I hoped to walk back from.

As an aside, Grab is another “must-have” app for south east asia. Highly recommend setting it up before you head off.

My destination from the Grab was B-52 lake, so named after the American B52 bomber that fell into the lake during the American-Vietnamese war, where it stayed as neither side could be bothered to move it. It serves as one of the last untouched reminders of the war, but as it abstracts any of the actual atrocities, you can find a few very quiet cafes overlooking the lake.

From there I strolled through the botanical gardens and on to the Ho Chi Minh palace and mausoleum. This section of Hanoi has the most “communist” feel to it, with a large central square flanked by palaces, museums and even a garden where Ho Chi Minhs original stilt house stands, defiant from time. I took a route back to the old quarter along leafy streets flanked by large diplomatic residences in differing styles, and a lot of security guards.

Cycling Mafia #

I had a train to catch at 7 from Ga Hanoi, but had already been walking all day so looked at getting a grab for the ~2km journey. It was ~30k dong for a car, but the traffic meant the car wouldn’t arrive for another few minutes, so I flagged down a cycle rickshaw.

I had taken one of these in India a few years back and know they would cost less than a car, but I also assumed there would be some kind of tourist rate. The guy seemed nice enough however, and we had a pleasant chat for the ~15 minute cycle to the station. Since he was nice, I thought I’d be nice and give him a tip, so I gave him 50k dong, more than hiring an entire car.

Bad move, he demanded 400k… Obviously I wasn’t going to pay that, and just regretted not agreeing on the price beforehand. This guy then immediately started recruiting a local taxi driver and some other locals, clearly lying to them saying he had cycled me all day long. They seemed to not care too much, so I asked a lady at the train station how much she would pay for a 15 minute cycle taxi. Her reply? 1.5k dong…

This guy kept yelling at me for a good 15 minutes more, yelling “mafia, mafia”. I shouted back “I’m not a mafia!”.

Eventually the angry little man settled on 100k, and I went back to sitting outside the station. A couple minutes after he left, a local shop owner came up to me.

“I’m sorry for that, they are a mafia around here”.

Ah, that explains it…

Still, I wasn’t alone. Also waiting at the station for a train to Da Nang was another Software Engineer from the UK, Harry.

Bit of a strange way to meet, but it gave us a good conversation starter and we got along pretty well thanks to basically being the same person. He was on a train to Da Nang an hour before mine (I accidentally arrived early, should’ve walked!), but we promised to meet up in Hoi An the next day.

Train from Hanoi to Hoi An #

If you are going to book a train around Vietnam, and you don’t already speak the language, you really only have 1 option: baolau.com. However, you do have a few options to choose from whilst on the train itself: sitting upright, sleeping in a 6 berth and sleeping in a 4 berth. I’m happy to travel on a budget, but given the 17 hour travel time, I protected my sanity and dropped a cool 735k dong on a 4 berth bed.

The train I was on had been refurbished a few years prior, so was really nice, and came with clean sheets due to Hanoi being the first stop (if you are joining in Da Nang it will already have been slept in, as I found out later). The main telltale sign that the rail network has seen better days was when travelling through the city, I could not believe a train was able to rock so much without coming off the tracks!

I was hoping it would stop, or at least rock me back to sleep, but banging my head made sure to stop that, at least until we left the city.

I did eventually fall asleep however, and woke up for the nicest bit of the journey: The Hai Van Pass. I wasn’t aware at the time, but this stretch of the journey is classed as one of the prettiest train journeys of all time, and I could see why!

You dangle over the cliff, along the hills, and around the beaches, you even pass by the same viewpoint as seen in Top Gear, which caused me to squint in disbelief.

You get plenty of time to admire it, as this section of the journey is painfully slow, averaging jogging pace around the hills as the train rocks back and forth, threatening to send you and it down the cliffs.

Some people stay in Da Nang attempting to catch some waves surfing (as Harry was hoping to), but I had my eyes set on one thing, so jumped in another grab for the short journey to Hoi An.

Hoi An #

I had chatted with the hostel host beforehand to sign myself up for a food tour shortly after arrival, but I had forgotten to mention that my friend (Harry) from outside the hostel also wanted to come. She was joking admonishing me as she was afraid there wouldn’t be enough push bikes for everyone.

Everything was fine in the end, but Harry was wondering why every time he saw me, someone was shouting at me!

The food tour consisted of a series of pit stops at road side stalls, where we would balance on tiny plastic chairs. I can’t recall the names of the food, but we had plenty of noodles, skewers and a bready snack filled with chocolate, all were quite nice!

Suit Up #

I said I had my eyes set on one thing, and that thing was a suit. Specifically, I wanted a pink linen suit that I could wear to my sister’s wedding in 2024.

Harry was down to have a look at suits as well, so we set out, first to have a look at the same tailors as Top Gear, and then to visit the tailors recommended by our hostel host.

We only had 35 hours remaining in Hoi An, so tonight we had a fantastic time choosing the styles, colours and materials for our suits, along with some initial measurements. We were like kids in a candy shop, except now quarter aged men in a suit shop. Linen, Cashmere, Wool, Silk, in any colour and any combination it’s no wonder that half the town is suit shops catering to tourists. An australian brother and sister we met at the hostel also partook, having a velvet smoking jacket and “designer” dress made.

As for the price, it was pretty good but no doubt you could haggle a better price than me!

For 2 linen shirts and 2 three-piece linen suits my total came to 15.5 million Vietnamese Dong (~£500). I thought this was a great deal and I didn’t want to spoil the moment with haggling, but talking to a friend from singapore, they managed to get a more classic 2 piece cashmere-wool suit for only ~£100 after knocking half off the price. Your results may vary!

The next day we had a series of re-fittings for our suits to go to, so it was mostly a blur of riding our bikes between cafe, tailors, shop, tailors, bar, tailors, bar. Fantastic day!

In the evening we picked up our suits, and went out to a “tiger tiger” bar with people from the hostel. Harry regretted staying in Da Nang, as he had to cling onto the back of a scooter for 45 mins with his suit, whilst not entirely sober.

Train from Hoi An to Saigon #

I’m told the north calls Saigon “Ho Chi Minh City”, while the south calls Ho Chi Minh City “Saigon”. I still can’t tell which one is right.

Anyway, I was back on the Vietnamese railway network for an 18.5 hour trip down the coast again. This time, as I’m getting on halfway through the train’s route from Hanoi -> Ho Chi Minh City, the cabin/bed was a bit less clean, so something to be aware of if you make the journey yourself.

In my cabin this time was a Scottish couple in their 60’s, continuing their adventurous retirement. I chatted with them for a while, and they shared their plans to travel across Cambodia. I hadn’t booked the next leg of my trip yet, so I took their advice and reserved some coaches using 12go.asia, apparently the most trustworthy website to use. Supposedly buses can really start to range in comfort around this area, so while I can’t speak for all of them, I can say I used Giant Ibis and they were quite good.

This couple reminded me a lot like my girlfriend and I’s hero’s of 2023: Tony and Elaine. They had taken part on the BBC show Race Across the World, travelling from London to Singapore across 50 days on a budget of only £1329 each.

I’m still working on convincing Feiyang to do this with me…

Ho Chi Minh City / Saigon #

We have just over 24 hours in Saigon, so what else to do besides of course, the Ho Chi Minh war remnants museum.

War Remnants Museum #

Harry and I spent a few hours here walking around sombrely, with it’s harrowing honest portrayal of the effects of the war playing through our heads. Having never quite understood the impacts of “agent orange” before, I was horrified. The museum does a traumatically excellent job of conveying the human impact of such dioxins, and shows in graphic detail the deformations and destruction it has wrought upon all generations nearby. The inhumanity of this war, the indecency of the soldiers, the indiscriminate razing of all life shocked me. I wept a bit.

This article captures some of the essence of what the museum showed, but the in person experience is something that cannot be conveyed in this article, or any other so far detached.

Cu Chi Tunnels #

On the complete other end of the spectrum, the Cu Chi Tunnels.

For this, we were granted a ridiculously cheerful tour guide, who insisted on singing his favourite American songs for the entire 2 hour journey to the tunnels.

On arrival, it’s quite what you would expect, with a medium density forest giving way to the odd stretch of dirt, and a couple holes for the tourists to peek / jump inside.

Coming from the war remnants museum, this was a bit underwhelming, with the only authentic part of the experience being the occasional crack of M16 rifle fire by an American (tourist, this time).

Bui Vien #

Our time in Saigon - Vietnam in general - was coming to a close.

We caught back up with Alfonso (from the train ride earlier) for a few beers down in Bui Vien street.

Whilst it’s not the craziest scene in South East Asia, it’s still enough to put you off western tourists, with the classic affair of cheap drinks and soft drugs fuelling a late night culture.

We stayed for a bit, but after having our fill of food and Saigon beer and struggling to find a good rooftop bar with live music, we called it a night.

To Cambodia #

I left early the next day, with just enough time to grab a last Banh Mi with Harry before jumping on my first Bus of the trip.

Bus stops aren’t quite what you would expect, considering the prevalence of this mode of transport.

I waited for my Giant Ibis coach from Ho Chi Minh to Phnom Penh outside a seemingly random cafe on a normal street. Only the dozen or so confused looking backpackers could give away it’s true purpose. I was following in the footsteps of that scottish couple from before, and back to being alone.

I had achieved a cross country trip in 8 days, the complete reverse of Top Gear from my youth.

Writing this looking back now, I miss Vietnam, I mmissed it as soon as I left in truth. The chaos, the community, the suits. I know I’ll be back for more of them all!

Looking ahead, my flight to London leaves in 12 days from Singapore. I still have 2 more countries I want to see…